Dear Diary, i managed to wake up by 6;45am today, I felt so weak and my energy level was low, dangerously low. I clutched my sides and went to the kitchen to boil some hot water, cold got trapped inside me again. The Landlord didn't pump water and I was miffed, (my sister wanted to draw his blood). I laughed at the mini me's anger, I swear that girl is my sister...when she isn't being an idiot that is. Gloria was the first to bath, me? I was still dragging my feet and groaning. Okay I managed to bath and get ready, the car was waiting (I think I made us late..I'm not sure).
Church was lit! Yes we arrived late but I like the attention, I like that people stare at me. Father Thaddeus our dear parish priest was presiding for this mass. We were late so we had to stand outside for the homily to be over. People were staring at my face, my anklet at my left foot, and when I spoke, their necks nearly snapped as they were trying to see who spoke, (I have this effect on people, I know it very well). Father Thaddeus then asked one very funny question, "20 million US dollars or a Bible?, what would you choose?" Diary, I burst into a hysterical laughter, then I said "this man must not know what he be talkn bout" (I think I even said "this nigga" sef..I'm not sure). People started laughing, Gloria and Jerry couldn't deal at my response and laughter got worse. He repeated the question and I said "20 million biko, who Bible epp?? Amma buy me a house full of Bible afterwards". Father didn't hear me of course but I swear I wanted to go to the altar there and tell him. I actually thought people would be hypocrites (as they usually are) and pick the Bible, no o, "in this economy??" I heard one say. I had a good laugh o. Homily was over and we went in, me leading "the clan" yes I admit I was showing off, I won't lie to you, Mr Eliot figured this out about me since I was 16 and he calls me "show off" till tomorrow. (I hope he opens you diary, and I hope he laughs when he reads this, he is a good man, he keeps trying to make me cool down. I hear him, I just don't listen.) The choir's head was correct today and they slayed, I was dancing all through, I was a very happy child and I saw a few people looking, wetin concine me? Dem epp me ni?? The choir sang "amazing grace" and for once in my beautiful chaotic life, I understood the meaning of that song, and I broke down. I didn't let myself cry out, I was crying inside my soul. This part almost made the tears flow out, "through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come, 'tis grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home." I had flashing images of the countless times God's grace saved my life, saved me... The strange way things happen for me which I hardly tell anyone, I feel as though they won't believe me. I talk about God with passion when I wanna talk about him. Some people cannot reconcile the "me" they assume they know with this deep grounded "me", I don't blame them, my disposition gets confusing. One minute I'm saying shit, cussing, flirting..the next it's God and his ways?? I like that they don't know me, it thrills my mind and I get high off their opinions.
Mass over, we left for home. I was weak from all that rush and mind you, I hadn't eaten. I prayed for appetite because I need food to help me. Eba and egusi was the menu and yes, appetite came and I ate, but I only was able to eat once. Today, people randomly called and pinged to say things like, "stay alive you hear me? No dying on me". Those comments made me lose oxygen and I gasped for air. "I'm not dying on you" I casually said, I mean it though, I'm not.
The Round Table had a new member so it was interesting there, Getaway too was funky, heck, all four bbm groups were. I later withdrew into my own world of music and poetry and I was a baby, I sang, danced, performed, giggled, kicked my legs wildly, flirted,, etc, all for myself. I have this insane love for myself, I stare at my own images for minutes. Trina rolls her eyes when she catches me doing this. Trina is my best friend, my soul mate.. I have four best friends and a whole lot of other amazing friends who care for me. May heaven bless and protect them all, amen. Bye bye Diary, back to music.
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