Diary of A Mainland Girl

Dear Diary, a great deal has happened since I last wrote. The year is at it's "semi final", I know, still I'll wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR, seeing as I didn't write to you since the beginning of this year. I just wasn't inspired, I don't think I was experiencing that "writer's block" thingie, I just wasn't inspired enough to write.  I have changed, even I am low key afraid of the change. Pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages......  I almost didn't survive to be 26. I was deathly ill the week before my birthday. I was afraid, I'll be honest with you. I asked some people to pray for me. It was a miracle I survived. Twice, I almost went under the knife, twice it was canceled. I have let that go,, for now. What's the use in fighting it? What's the use in giving myself a headache?? I've done all I can to stay stable, I have been stable (glory be to God!), I need stable health to pursue my every goal and dream, r...

Dear diary,  Its has come to the end of the year, this year 2017, a time to reflect and look back on the way the year was spent. I don't quite know where to start my reflection, but my mind takes me back to the Eve of this year. There I was in church, Christ The King Catholic Church. I was happy, I was thankful, I was a dancing child. I still remember what I wore, the make up I wore,,, I have photos and a video. Sigh. I remember greeting folks I knew, and I remember leaving by nearly 1am. I worked on the first day of the year, a great way to start a year. Makeup on 6 girls. I remember my back and hips breaking....or at least that's what it felt like, I remember falling sick the next day. I had pushed myself too hard.  I remember my birthday, the 16th of January. I remember the tons of calls, the texts, the social media takeover! My birthday was EVERYTHING!! People showed me something beyond love, that wasn't love, it was something above love, it was God, it was Heav...

Dear diary, yesterday was my country's independence day anniversary, I suppose it's safe to assume you are Nigerian as well, you know, seeing as you're MY diary. Right?? Anyways, I had made plans with two of my best friends, Gabby and Trina, to go see a movie. I'd seen the trailer sometime last month and I was like, 'I MUST see this with my gurls!!' The movie is titled "The Women".  Do you remember that one time I was dying to see the film "Wedding Party" and i missed it? I couldn't let that happen again! Asin I COULDNT!!! TRINA.... Let me tell you something about Trina. That girl has serious issues with time. Trina is NEVER on time. If you like, tell her an event is by 9pm, she'd still not have gotten ready by then, there'll be one excuse or the other, you can count on Trina for excuses. Knowing her, I told them to get ready by 5pm. I had another best friend (Blessing) call Trina to inform her that I had a flat battery and i ...

Dear diary, last week was very intense and nerve-racking for me. It was the final week of my "Confirmation". We were made to attend a retreat, go for confession, etc. The retreat was very boring (and unnecessary, IMO). I had to sit there and watch a couple of annoying catechists talk and show themselves. I literally had to tell myself to relax and shut them all out. It was the final week, I was almost there. See, I have no problem with the elderly catechist, just the cockroaches who think the are catechists, okay to be fair, I like(d) two of them, the rest could crash and burn for all I care. With all this confirmation drama, I got worked up. It was evident. Stress reflects on my face. What is this bloody "confirmation" this girl keeps talking about? Confirmation is a sacrament of the Catholic/Anglican church. Let me give you the church's definition. "Confirmation is a sacrament through which we receive the holy spirit, in order to make us strong perfect ...

Dear diary, how have you been? Me? I have been broke, I mean very broke, I mean very, very broke! How does Jenifa put it again sef..... Ehen! "I dey Brooklyn". Like that is not bad enough, I was sick. I cannot exactly describe it with actual words, I mean the sickness, but it wasn't fun. The pain, the fever...mehn its never pretty. It makes me feel different emotions. I'll go from self pity to anger, then to weakness, then to numbness. It's the numbness I worry about. Anger is good, keeps me going, gives me "fire", but the numbness?? It's neither good for me nor the people around me. I become "dead". Not caring, nothing. In that state, I could be walking on the road and I wouldn't care if a motorist kills me. You see why numbness is bad for me?? I pushed all my friends away, I switched off my phone (even when I had it powered). People started telling me was being cold towards them, etc. I went through this for about two weeks (or more)....

Dear Diary, wassup wassssuuuuupp!!! (I'm not asking, I'm telling you). So the past few weeks have been packed with various challenges, and with these challenges came different kinds of emotion. I went from hyper, to meh, to omg, to angry, to help me! Etc I don't feel ready to disclose the basic reasons why I've felt this way. Hopefully I'll find the....courage? (Is this the word I'm looking for? I'm not sure but I'll settle for this) So, the "courage" to tell you. One thing I can say for sure tho, it wasn't easy, but there are people in my life who make it better for me, these people won't leave me (it seems). They have made it their job to "check on Amy, make sure she isn't drowning". I'm not mocking, I'm legit appreciative. These people aren't even my "family" (you get me?) But I consider them family, I don't care what social studies told me. I was supposed to be in my state by now, technicall...