Dear diary, how have you been? Me? I have been broke, I mean very broke, I mean very, very broke! How does Jenifa put it again sef..... Ehen! "I dey Brooklyn". Like that is not bad enough, I was sick. I cannot exactly describe it with actual words, I mean the sickness, but it wasn't fun. The pain, the fever...mehn its never pretty. It makes me feel different emotions. I'll go from self pity to anger, then to weakness, then to numbness. It's the numbness I worry about. Anger is good, keeps me going, gives me "fire", but the numbness?? It's neither good for me nor the people around me. I become "dead". Not caring, nothing. In that state, I could be walking on the road and I wouldn't care if a motorist kills me. You see why numbness is bad for me?? I pushed all my friends away, I switched off my phone (even when I had it powered). People started telling me was being cold towards them, etc. I went through this for about two weeks (or more). The group trip I had been so excited to be a part of months back when we were planning it, I was no longer interested. I wasn't healthy, I couldn't be "happy". I coulda gone, really I could have, but I didn't push it, I gave up completely, no single effort.
Yesterday, I told myself I would get the fuck up and go for the wedding I was invited to. I mean come on!! I used to be an "It Girl", when did I change?? Somebody told me I was losing my "mojo", I couldn't agree more..... Anyways, I woke up today (Saturday), came out, looked at the clouds and just warned the rain not to try nonsense with me this day. I was seriously warning it Diarina, you should have seen me pointing a finger skyward and shaking it at it. Ha! It was laughable. So laughable in fact that it rained down heavily as if in defiance to my previous warnings. Rain was like, "lil girl STFU, who do you think you are? " I grumbled and swore I was still gonna go to that wedding, let the rain carry me and throw me away if it wanted, but go I must! Period. My mother talked and talked. I didn't even mind her. Me that was already seeing myself eating Amala and better Ewedu with big big meat. Shior! I beat nonsense out of my face, grabbed a wig I hadn't worn in ages, brushed it well with a generous amount of serum, wore it and made it very fancy. Today na today o! The rain eventually stopped and I dashed out. I made it in time for the "menu menu", before na wetin bring me come abeg?? Hunnay, ain't nobody curr if you "do" or "don't", people just wanna eat and drink, period! Looool okay maybe that was too aggressive, but you get what I mean.
Getting food was wahala but in the end, God pass devil. I ate, I got meat, I got a drink, I even got a whole bottle of red wine (Domino thank you! You will live long you hear?) The bottle of wine is somewhere in my closet. I plan to open it with Blessing and Trina present. Lerrus drain the whole thing and be buzzed abeg, we weren't there when they killed Jesus, we didn't kill him. I enjoyed the company of the bride and most of her train. I even met my namesake, another "Amy". It was when somebody came in and called "Amy" and we both responded. While I was there, a girl of about 18/20 said to me, "you're so beautiful, are you married?" I said no. She asked me, "how can a beautiful lady like you not be married?" I only laughed. Abi? What should I have told her. She talked about me being beautiful a few more times and I could only say "thank you" with a little laugh. When I was about to leave, one of the vendors came up to me and asked if I was the bride. He asked this in Yoruba. I laughed and said I wasn't. He told me I looked like the bride, that it'll soon reach my turn. I laughed, shook my head and walked away. Some weeks ago, a dear Facebook friend I hold in high esteem, asked me if I was married. He said that I always seem to be happy. The kind of happiness satisfied married women get. Lol hei! All these talks about me being married and whatnot, ngwa bring me the "husband" eee, k'am megodu this tying of a knot of a tin. Inukwa! Hahahaha
I'm in a "safe place" right now. I like where I am. It's"safe" and I can "feel". I'm laughing again (even though I'm still broke as hell! Help!!) Ogadichanma. Bye bye.
Yesterday, I told myself I would get the fuck up and go for the wedding I was invited to. I mean come on!! I used to be an "It Girl", when did I change?? Somebody told me I was losing my "mojo", I couldn't agree more..... Anyways, I woke up today (Saturday), came out, looked at the clouds and just warned the rain not to try nonsense with me this day. I was seriously warning it Diarina, you should have seen me pointing a finger skyward and shaking it at it. Ha! It was laughable. So laughable in fact that it rained down heavily as if in defiance to my previous warnings. Rain was like, "lil girl STFU, who do you think you are? " I grumbled and swore I was still gonna go to that wedding, let the rain carry me and throw me away if it wanted, but go I must! Period. My mother talked and talked. I didn't even mind her. Me that was already seeing myself eating Amala and better Ewedu with big big meat. Shior! I beat nonsense out of my face, grabbed a wig I hadn't worn in ages, brushed it well with a generous amount of serum, wore it and made it very fancy. Today na today o! The rain eventually stopped and I dashed out. I made it in time for the "menu menu", before na wetin bring me come abeg?? Hunnay, ain't nobody curr if you "do" or "don't", people just wanna eat and drink, period! Looool okay maybe that was too aggressive, but you get what I mean.
Getting food was wahala but in the end, God pass devil. I ate, I got meat, I got a drink, I even got a whole bottle of red wine (Domino thank you! You will live long you hear?) The bottle of wine is somewhere in my closet. I plan to open it with Blessing and Trina present. Lerrus drain the whole thing and be buzzed abeg, we weren't there when they killed Jesus, we didn't kill him. I enjoyed the company of the bride and most of her train. I even met my namesake, another "Amy". It was when somebody came in and called "Amy" and we both responded. While I was there, a girl of about 18/20 said to me, "you're so beautiful, are you married?" I said no. She asked me, "how can a beautiful lady like you not be married?" I only laughed. Abi? What should I have told her. She talked about me being beautiful a few more times and I could only say "thank you" with a little laugh. When I was about to leave, one of the vendors came up to me and asked if I was the bride. He asked this in Yoruba. I laughed and said I wasn't. He told me I looked like the bride, that it'll soon reach my turn. I laughed, shook my head and walked away. Some weeks ago, a dear Facebook friend I hold in high esteem, asked me if I was married. He said that I always seem to be happy. The kind of happiness satisfied married women get. Lol hei! All these talks about me being married and whatnot, ngwa bring me the "husband" eee, k'am megodu this tying of a knot of a tin. Inukwa! Hahahaha
I'm in a "safe place" right now. I like where I am. It's"safe" and I can "feel". I'm laughing again (even though I'm still broke as hell! Help!!) Ogadichanma. Bye bye.
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