Dear diary,
Its has come to the end of the year, this year 2017, a time to reflect and look back on the way the year was spent. I don't quite know where to start my reflection, but my mind takes me back to the Eve of this year. There I was in church, Christ The King Catholic Church. I was happy, I was thankful, I was a dancing child. I still remember what I wore, the make up I wore,,, I have photos and a video. Sigh. I remember greeting folks I knew, and I remember leaving by nearly 1am. I worked on the first day of the year, a great way to start a year. Makeup on 6 girls. I remember my back and hips breaking....or at least that's what it felt like, I remember falling sick the next day. I had pushed myself too hard.
I remember my birthday, the 16th of January. I remember the tons of calls, the texts, the social media takeover! My birthday was EVERYTHING!! People showed me something beyond love, that wasn't love, it was something above love, it was God, it was Heaven. I remember giving my phone to my sister begging her to take the calls on my behalf, I couldn't bear the love anymore, I was nearly killed by love. Imagine, being killed by love. I can picture the headline on those cheesy blogs; "Girl dies from love on birthday". *chuckling at this one*.
This year, people blessed me with gifts, each time I look at those gifts, I take a moment to bless the giver, I mentally draw a heart doodle for the giver. Those gifts will ALWAYS be precious to me. It's somebody who loves you that gives you gifts.
There were bad times, there were sick times, there were tear times, but they didn't last, and they were fewer than last year. I have beautiful people who love me, I have beautiful people who call me to make sure I'm okay, people who say, "are you fine? Please be fine. Please don't die. Please keep hanging in there. Please don't give up". To my face, I watched those beautiful people say, "oh if only I had money, I'd fly you abroad and we'll get this removed so you can be fine". I always just stare blankly at them. I know if i open my mouth to say anything, I will cry, no, weep. So I stare at them and mange a smile, then whisper "thank you". They are so very kind, I know they mean every word they say, I looked at their eyes. I'm very thankful for them.
I pulled back from so many people and so many groups also. Groups are a blessing and curse. Unfortunately, the blessings are not as many as those I consider curses, but I won't act like once upon a time, I didn't need them. I needed groups during my bad years, during my battle with depression, it's why I smile when I see those who fight to hold on to groups, and I also pity them, they are running away from something. I pray they pull through, amen.
Just before this year came to it's closing, I started to feel "open" again. After nearly four years of being closed and enjoying a private, selfish life, I started to feel. Don't get me wrong, it was a happy, fun, selfish nearly four years. Oh I lived the life! I didn't worry about nobody, didn't have to explain nothing to nobody, it was ME! ME! ME! But that started to change, I decided to let someone love me. I had met him in August, at a good friend's birthday in a club. I didn't even want to exchange numbers but he used my love for business. As a business woman, I had to give him, he had a strong angle. LOL. I almost didn't accept his lunch date offer, but somehow I did. I still didn't think I'd date him until November. I told my partner Isaac, 'I'm gonna finally date next year, maybe January' He asked who I was gonna date and I said I had a candidate. I did know we would date, I just didn't know he'd ask me sooner. Oh, if he had delayed, I'd have whacked his head and told him, "you have a girlfriend now you idiot, me." LOL.
Christmas this year was from the point of view of an "adult". It was different, but I was happy, wrapper and unhooked bra, two of my three best friends with me,, the dancing in my room in front of my mirror....... I love them so much, my friends.
This year has been a blessing, my family, my friends....and a new love. What a way to sign out! See you in 2018. Xoxo!
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