Dear Diary, I haven't named you yet have I? Some people think you are #Farrah, Farrah is just me replacing the usual "bye Felicia" so nah, you aren't Farrah. You I will call "Diarina". It sounds perfect yes? You're welcome Diarina. Sigh, I haven't gisted you in a minute, I'm sorry, I kinda got caught up in issues. This week was a bit uneventful save for today. Lemme brief you bout what I did from Monday to today.
Monday,, I went to hang out with a friend who had been trying to hang out with me since 2014. This is not me being arrogant, no, this is just me telling you how long overdue the hang was. I left my comfort zone, rode public buses (because no money to waste right now, epp me!!), and went all the way to Gbagada to see Zemm. Yes, Zemm is his name. I even broke my rule and went to his house, he only just moved back to Lagos and wanted to show me his house. It was a nice house, I envied him. Before we left for a fast food restaurant, I adviced him to do antique. I mean his decor. We sat down at KFC (Kenechukwu Fried Chicken) as I like to call it..... Lol stop tripping! Kentucky Fried Chicken it is called, we both ordered for Chicken and that thing they call "chips". As I ate, I kept saying "this is poison". Yet I didn't stop o! I finished the whole thing, drank the "poisonous drink" and was happy to have eaten that poison. You know why i call it poison? Cos it's UNHEALTHY!! No o, please iyam nor saying don't go to KFC biko kwa! By all means, go everyday sef, breakfast, lunch and dinner, I believe in you!!
Tuesday,, I loosened my hair. I had made up my mind to finally cut off all my old permed hair. I was lowkey transitioning (mba, not from female to male thanks very much!). I was transitioning to a Naturalista I.e, a person who has unretouched hair. I went to my dear iya Mary's salon and told her; "mofe ge irun mi, moti ready lati ge". She understands English o, she just crucifies it when she speaks it so I prefer flowing with her in Yoruba, my sanity requires that I do. I went in, stood in front of her mirror for a minute or two, then I began to comb my hair. As I combed, I trembled, but I had "chopped liver" and felt i was ready. Iya Mary came in and took a pair of scissors. "Anty Amaka, shey eti sure pe e fe ge irun yin?" I affirmed. She asked me that same question three more times and at the final time, I looked at my reflection in that mirror for seconds, oh it felt like hours, then I responded in a voice that almost didn't sound familiar "e ge". As if she wanted it to hurt me, wanted me to feel the pain of losing my hair, she held a very sizable amount and cut it without mercy. I think I exhaled in pain, I'm not sure, but I know my throat made a sound that wasn't a happy one. I watched her cut all my permed hair from that mirror. When she was done, she bagged all my hair in a nylon and gave it to me, then she stepped out, almost as if she knew I needed a moment to mourn. "Amy, you know why you're doing this, it's for your own good, for a greater cause, you know this!" I told myself within myself. I looked at my low cut, my all natural low cut and I felt hopeful. I thanked her and left. Before I threw the hair in the thrash bag, I lifted a prayer to heaven. I felt baptized afterwards, it felt like a cleansing of some sort. *exhale*
Wednesday,, I went to see a movie with an older friend/possible work partner. We had been planning a meet but somehow either one of us had to cancel for one reason or the other, finslly today we had the meeting. I like to enjoy my meetings thus I don't usually suggest a formal setting. We saw "A Trip To Jamaica". Diarina, I was proud of Nigeria and Nigerians! I laughed ehn!! Everyone laughed to stupor. Ay is a clown, Funke Akindele is another story entirely, I give up on her! The woman is too funny eziokwu'm! Nse Ikpe Etim....hmmm, that woman is a GODDESS, A FUCKING WALKING GODDESS, A BEAUTIFUL WALKING GODDESS. Period. I looked at her natural hair and my heart sang. Soon, mine too will be just as lovely. But it isn't just her hair that makes her a goddess. It's everything about her, from her beautiful brown skin (God of melanin I worship you!), to her figure.... I kept whispering "exquisite". I love beautiful women, kai!
Thursday,, nothing major happened, I did everything in preparation for Friday.
Friday!! Ghen Ghen!!! Today I attended the Beauty Africa Exhibition and Conference. I had registered since last month and I told my boo Jane to register too. She is a makeup artist just like me, she's a darn good one too! Very passionate about what she does. I took time to do my face ehn! By 10;30am I was still in the house. Hei God ooo! I began to fret! Jane left her house by 10am on the dot, me I was still running up and down doing this one and that one. Omo come see tension! After all that facebeat, the tension made me sweat the fleek out! The car that was supposed to take me (okay the owner of the car) cancelled on me so I had to bus it ooo. When I got to Oshodi and I saw the loooooong line of people queueing, I opened the Uber app on my phone and did a fare estimate. Chizoz!! It was saying 4 to 5thousand naira oo. Money dah iyam pinching now. Common sense slapped me straight! Option two, enter normal bus. My father is nor Ambode, BRT is not the only option. I asked one of the "area boys" for directions and the kind soul directed me to the proper park, no, he almost literally took me there. He saw me halfway and pointed to the direction. I gave him my sincerest smile and thanked him very well. He will never know what he did for me. He actually seemed surprised that I'd smile at him that way, his facial expression told me so. He smiled back and told me "no wahala". My heart was happy that he smiled back, I didn't think he would actually. I waved at him and kept strutting to the direction. I wore a white top and truss me I was already imagining all sorts of stains at my back, from sitting in the first bus that is. Diarina, if you see heat ehn!! It was menopausal! I was having hot flashes dun tell me rubbish! I sat down in the new bus (uh, it's new cos I entered a different bus duh), and started to fan myself like my life depended on it. Wo, my life did depend on it oo, my life plus my makeup! My poor baby was loosing her "fleekage" and I had to help her!! I kept whining on whatsapp to Jane, (who by the way had gotten to the location and was enjoying AC in her life) "Boo we need a car oo" I had told her on chat. I went on and on about how hot I was, how I was worried about my white top turning brown before I arrive, how it was so hot.. Sigh. "Babe dun worry, AC dey, just get here, you'll be fine". I think I said "hallelujah" when that bus moved, finally some air! Jordin Sparks doesn't know what "no air" means, I swear she doesn't! Has she been to Nigeria??? Traffic wanted to naw finish work and kill me. It took all the control I had not to growl like a lion in that bus. Ugh! Last last I sha got there,, Landmark Centre VI was the venue. I called Jane to let her know I was in the building, then I went in, showed them my registration form, they printed a tag for me and gave me a brochure. I followed the direction Jane gave me and without stress, I spotted her. The sweetheart stood up for me to sit but I wasn't having that, we both shared, afterall awa bum bum is nor big sef.
Bimpe Onokoya was doing a live demonstration by herself, she flawlessly applied makeup on a model, a dark skinned model, a black beautiful girl. To God I could not get over her beauty. This girl is sooooo beautiful! I said it like 50times...I think. Jane just chuckled as I kept repeating the same thing over and over again. Bimpe finished and Lola Maja (I adore her) came next. She wore a theatrical makeup, that of a zombie with faux blood smeared on some parts of her face, neck and arms. As she addressed us, her interns were applying makeup on their models, lovely models I might add but that's not the koko here. "Who wants to come to me and hug me?!" She said. A friend of Jane's who came some 45minutes after I did, dived forward. The girl was so fast I blinked for a moment. I saw her hug Lola and I knew I wasn't gonna sit back there again. Lola Maja repeated the question and I looked at Jane, she could tell I was going for it, I dragged Jane up and ran forward, it felt so good, running towards her as others watched. I left Jane's hand and hugged Lola very tightly. A bit of her faux blood touched my hair and I said "omg your blood touched my hair", "it did didn't it?" She replied in that creamy voice of hers. (God I love her voice!) She touched her face and smeared faux blood on my top and a little on my face and then she said, "now you really got blood on you". We both laughed, everyone laughed, I hugged her one final time and stepped aside for Jane who had quietly stood there observing and laughing. I watched Jane hug Lola Maja and I smiled. After we returned to our Seats, the selfies started. We stopped paying attention. I had met and touched Lola Maja, my life is complete...for now.
Monday,, I went to hang out with a friend who had been trying to hang out with me since 2014. This is not me being arrogant, no, this is just me telling you how long overdue the hang was. I left my comfort zone, rode public buses (because no money to waste right now, epp me!!), and went all the way to Gbagada to see Zemm. Yes, Zemm is his name. I even broke my rule and went to his house, he only just moved back to Lagos and wanted to show me his house. It was a nice house, I envied him. Before we left for a fast food restaurant, I adviced him to do antique. I mean his decor. We sat down at KFC (Kenechukwu Fried Chicken) as I like to call it..... Lol stop tripping! Kentucky Fried Chicken it is called, we both ordered for Chicken and that thing they call "chips". As I ate, I kept saying "this is poison". Yet I didn't stop o! I finished the whole thing, drank the "poisonous drink" and was happy to have eaten that poison. You know why i call it poison? Cos it's UNHEALTHY!! No o, please iyam nor saying don't go to KFC biko kwa! By all means, go everyday sef, breakfast, lunch and dinner, I believe in you!!
Tuesday,, I loosened my hair. I had made up my mind to finally cut off all my old permed hair. I was lowkey transitioning (mba, not from female to male thanks very much!). I was transitioning to a Naturalista I.e, a person who has unretouched hair. I went to my dear iya Mary's salon and told her; "mofe ge irun mi, moti ready lati ge". She understands English o, she just crucifies it when she speaks it so I prefer flowing with her in Yoruba, my sanity requires that I do. I went in, stood in front of her mirror for a minute or two, then I began to comb my hair. As I combed, I trembled, but I had "chopped liver" and felt i was ready. Iya Mary came in and took a pair of scissors. "Anty Amaka, shey eti sure pe e fe ge irun yin?" I affirmed. She asked me that same question three more times and at the final time, I looked at my reflection in that mirror for seconds, oh it felt like hours, then I responded in a voice that almost didn't sound familiar "e ge". As if she wanted it to hurt me, wanted me to feel the pain of losing my hair, she held a very sizable amount and cut it without mercy. I think I exhaled in pain, I'm not sure, but I know my throat made a sound that wasn't a happy one. I watched her cut all my permed hair from that mirror. When she was done, she bagged all my hair in a nylon and gave it to me, then she stepped out, almost as if she knew I needed a moment to mourn. "Amy, you know why you're doing this, it's for your own good, for a greater cause, you know this!" I told myself within myself. I looked at my low cut, my all natural low cut and I felt hopeful. I thanked her and left. Before I threw the hair in the thrash bag, I lifted a prayer to heaven. I felt baptized afterwards, it felt like a cleansing of some sort. *exhale*
Wednesday,, I went to see a movie with an older friend/possible work partner. We had been planning a meet but somehow either one of us had to cancel for one reason or the other, finslly today we had the meeting. I like to enjoy my meetings thus I don't usually suggest a formal setting. We saw "A Trip To Jamaica". Diarina, I was proud of Nigeria and Nigerians! I laughed ehn!! Everyone laughed to stupor. Ay is a clown, Funke Akindele is another story entirely, I give up on her! The woman is too funny eziokwu'm! Nse Ikpe Etim....hmmm, that woman is a GODDESS, A FUCKING WALKING GODDESS, A BEAUTIFUL WALKING GODDESS. Period. I looked at her natural hair and my heart sang. Soon, mine too will be just as lovely. But it isn't just her hair that makes her a goddess. It's everything about her, from her beautiful brown skin (God of melanin I worship you!), to her figure.... I kept whispering "exquisite". I love beautiful women, kai!
Thursday,, nothing major happened, I did everything in preparation for Friday.
Friday!! Ghen Ghen!!! Today I attended the Beauty Africa Exhibition and Conference. I had registered since last month and I told my boo Jane to register too. She is a makeup artist just like me, she's a darn good one too! Very passionate about what she does. I took time to do my face ehn! By 10;30am I was still in the house. Hei God ooo! I began to fret! Jane left her house by 10am on the dot, me I was still running up and down doing this one and that one. Omo come see tension! After all that facebeat, the tension made me sweat the fleek out! The car that was supposed to take me (okay the owner of the car) cancelled on me so I had to bus it ooo. When I got to Oshodi and I saw the loooooong line of people queueing, I opened the Uber app on my phone and did a fare estimate. Chizoz!! It was saying 4 to 5thousand naira oo. Money dah iyam pinching now. Common sense slapped me straight! Option two, enter normal bus. My father is nor Ambode, BRT is not the only option. I asked one of the "area boys" for directions and the kind soul directed me to the proper park, no, he almost literally took me there. He saw me halfway and pointed to the direction. I gave him my sincerest smile and thanked him very well. He will never know what he did for me. He actually seemed surprised that I'd smile at him that way, his facial expression told me so. He smiled back and told me "no wahala". My heart was happy that he smiled back, I didn't think he would actually. I waved at him and kept strutting to the direction. I wore a white top and truss me I was already imagining all sorts of stains at my back, from sitting in the first bus that is. Diarina, if you see heat ehn!! It was menopausal! I was having hot flashes dun tell me rubbish! I sat down in the new bus (uh, it's new cos I entered a different bus duh), and started to fan myself like my life depended on it. Wo, my life did depend on it oo, my life plus my makeup! My poor baby was loosing her "fleekage" and I had to help her!! I kept whining on whatsapp to Jane, (who by the way had gotten to the location and was enjoying AC in her life) "Boo we need a car oo" I had told her on chat. I went on and on about how hot I was, how I was worried about my white top turning brown before I arrive, how it was so hot.. Sigh. "Babe dun worry, AC dey, just get here, you'll be fine". I think I said "hallelujah" when that bus moved, finally some air! Jordin Sparks doesn't know what "no air" means, I swear she doesn't! Has she been to Nigeria??? Traffic wanted to naw finish work and kill me. It took all the control I had not to growl like a lion in that bus. Ugh! Last last I sha got there,, Landmark Centre VI was the venue. I called Jane to let her know I was in the building, then I went in, showed them my registration form, they printed a tag for me and gave me a brochure. I followed the direction Jane gave me and without stress, I spotted her. The sweetheart stood up for me to sit but I wasn't having that, we both shared, afterall awa bum bum is nor big sef.
Bimpe Onokoya was doing a live demonstration by herself, she flawlessly applied makeup on a model, a dark skinned model, a black beautiful girl. To God I could not get over her beauty. This girl is sooooo beautiful! I said it like 50times...I think. Jane just chuckled as I kept repeating the same thing over and over again. Bimpe finished and Lola Maja (I adore her) came next. She wore a theatrical makeup, that of a zombie with faux blood smeared on some parts of her face, neck and arms. As she addressed us, her interns were applying makeup on their models, lovely models I might add but that's not the koko here. "Who wants to come to me and hug me?!" She said. A friend of Jane's who came some 45minutes after I did, dived forward. The girl was so fast I blinked for a moment. I saw her hug Lola and I knew I wasn't gonna sit back there again. Lola Maja repeated the question and I looked at Jane, she could tell I was going for it, I dragged Jane up and ran forward, it felt so good, running towards her as others watched. I left Jane's hand and hugged Lola very tightly. A bit of her faux blood touched my hair and I said "omg your blood touched my hair", "it did didn't it?" She replied in that creamy voice of hers. (God I love her voice!) She touched her face and smeared faux blood on my top and a little on my face and then she said, "now you really got blood on you". We both laughed, everyone laughed, I hugged her one final time and stepped aside for Jane who had quietly stood there observing and laughing. I watched Jane hug Lola Maja and I smiled. After we returned to our Seats, the selfies started. We stopped paying attention. I had met and touched Lola Maja, my life is complete...for now.
Nice piece hun... I've been laffin. Like a cow here (y)
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha. I'm glad you were entertained. Xoxo
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