Dear Diary,
Ugh! As cheesy as I'm about to sound, I'm gonna go ahead and say; HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR TO YOU!!! Hey, I added something new, I said "fucking". That's a change. 😁
I feel so disconnected from you, my precious book of not so secret secrets. Something got me interested in sharing today's 'experience' with you. Here's what happened.
My breasts have gotten bigger. As in extra large. As in gigantic. Everyone is excited but me. Ugh! All my old bras no longer fit, still I have been holding on to them, wearing them even though they longer fit. Look, don't blame me, if you saw how alarmed I was last year when I discovered my breasts could fit a really large bra! Imagine how I feel now!! Its a lot for me to handle! Okay, I recently learned how to do breast cup measurement. (I'll post the chart for you to see), I all but fainted seeing my cup size. I am now a G cup! A FUCKING G CUP!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I don't have any children, nothing! My breasts keep swelling and swelling and swelling! At this rate I'm terrified of them. What if they keep growing??!! Jesus take my wheels!!!!!!
Today, I finally told myself; Amy, go and get yourself your actual bra fits. Your "G". (I'm rolling my eyes now). I left for the market, the one at Super, the one they call "katangowa". Hey, I'm not Hausa, neither do I speak it, leave me the fuck alone! Moving on, I went to my old customer's shop, sat down and waited for him to "open bale". Oh yes, the seller is a man. You see my double wahala, ba? Oya naw, bale started opening and I dinnor see my size. The big G. (I've started calling myself "Mama G" btw, seems fitting). "Broda, I no see my size for here o", I told the seller, in a slightly worried tone. The man, clearly amused and knowing he was about to be entertained, told me in his Igbo accentuated English; I go bring another bag come. Broda went in, brought out a bag and pushed it towards me. Hey God! I sat down with the bras spread out on the padded floor. His shop is really private (thank you Jesus!) I started searching for my size. Bra after bra after more bras. Nothing. Oh and this search involved wearing them o. I tried each one I felt would fit, by wearing it on top of my T-shirt....okay technically, the shirt belongs to Jerry, my younger brother....but oh well....
Broda was very well entertained. He kept watching and making remarks like; nne, this ya tin di kwa very big. Ya man go dey enjoy hinsef very well. If I be ya man, I go dey use am sleep. Etc. Have I not suffered like this?? I did my best to ignore him. Sometimes I laughed, when I found him funny. As I sat there, in that sea of bras, I said a prayer to God, the creator of breasts. I told him not to let them grow any more. I really meant that prayer. Then I looked down at my breasts, I started to warn them not to grow anymore. Broda caught me doing this, he laughed and said; sometin wey everybody dey pray for. You know how many woman dem dey go pump their breast make e big like your own? I simply nodded. Nobody feels sorry for me. Everyone says the same thing, "be grateful". I thank the Lord. I have breasts. Very big ones. Almost like the watermelons Sarah Dosu used to say they looked like (to her). That was even when they were C cups, I wonder what fruit she'll say they look like now.
After my ultimate search, (oh you can't tell me nufin, that was a treasure hunt), I finally got about 3 well fitting everyday bras and 4 sports bras (for workouts...long story, maybe later). Ngwa nu, payment time! Story started. Broda told me the tale of how difficult it is to get big sizes. How he had to search and search. How the cost price of big breasts is different from the one of small ones. How big things usually require more money. And on and on and on. I got irritated and asked him to kindly go straight to the price. I just wanted to get the haggling process over and done with. My bra size costs triple the amount of regular ones. Am I not in trouble like this???
My cup runneth over.
Ugh! As cheesy as I'm about to sound, I'm gonna go ahead and say; HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR TO YOU!!! Hey, I added something new, I said "fucking". That's a change. 😁
I feel so disconnected from you, my precious book of not so secret secrets. Something got me interested in sharing today's 'experience' with you. Here's what happened.
My breasts have gotten bigger. As in extra large. As in gigantic. Everyone is excited but me. Ugh! All my old bras no longer fit, still I have been holding on to them, wearing them even though they longer fit. Look, don't blame me, if you saw how alarmed I was last year when I discovered my breasts could fit a really large bra! Imagine how I feel now!! Its a lot for me to handle! Okay, I recently learned how to do breast cup measurement. (I'll post the chart for you to see), I all but fainted seeing my cup size. I am now a G cup! A FUCKING G CUP!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I don't have any children, nothing! My breasts keep swelling and swelling and swelling! At this rate I'm terrified of them. What if they keep growing??!! Jesus take my wheels!!!!!!
Today, I finally told myself; Amy, go and get yourself your actual bra fits. Your "G". (I'm rolling my eyes now). I left for the market, the one at Super, the one they call "katangowa". Hey, I'm not Hausa, neither do I speak it, leave me the fuck alone! Moving on, I went to my old customer's shop, sat down and waited for him to "open bale". Oh yes, the seller is a man. You see my double wahala, ba? Oya naw, bale started opening and I dinnor see my size. The big G. (I've started calling myself "Mama G" btw, seems fitting). "Broda, I no see my size for here o", I told the seller, in a slightly worried tone. The man, clearly amused and knowing he was about to be entertained, told me in his Igbo accentuated English; I go bring another bag come. Broda went in, brought out a bag and pushed it towards me. Hey God! I sat down with the bras spread out on the padded floor. His shop is really private (thank you Jesus!) I started searching for my size. Bra after bra after more bras. Nothing. Oh and this search involved wearing them o. I tried each one I felt would fit, by wearing it on top of my T-shirt....okay technically, the shirt belongs to Jerry, my younger brother....but oh well....
Broda was very well entertained. He kept watching and making remarks like; nne, this ya tin di kwa very big. Ya man go dey enjoy hinsef very well. If I be ya man, I go dey use am sleep. Etc. Have I not suffered like this?? I did my best to ignore him. Sometimes I laughed, when I found him funny. As I sat there, in that sea of bras, I said a prayer to God, the creator of breasts. I told him not to let them grow any more. I really meant that prayer. Then I looked down at my breasts, I started to warn them not to grow anymore. Broda caught me doing this, he laughed and said; sometin wey everybody dey pray for. You know how many woman dem dey go pump their breast make e big like your own? I simply nodded. Nobody feels sorry for me. Everyone says the same thing, "be grateful". I thank the Lord. I have breasts. Very big ones. Almost like the watermelons Sarah Dosu used to say they looked like (to her). That was even when they were C cups, I wonder what fruit she'll say they look like now.
After my ultimate search, (oh you can't tell me nufin, that was a treasure hunt), I finally got about 3 well fitting everyday bras and 4 sports bras (for workouts...long story, maybe later). Ngwa nu, payment time! Story started. Broda told me the tale of how difficult it is to get big sizes. How he had to search and search. How the cost price of big breasts is different from the one of small ones. How big things usually require more money. And on and on and on. I got irritated and asked him to kindly go straight to the price. I just wanted to get the haggling process over and done with. My bra size costs triple the amount of regular ones. Am I not in trouble like this???
My cup runneth over.
I got 99 problems and bra wants to be the 1
Know your bra size!
Lmao! Comman gimme breast naaaaa😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteI wish eee
DeleteI wish eee
Delete������ Welcome Back, Diary Of a mainland girl, I'm so happy to have you back here... Mehn, how you grown in your hilarious personality. One of the funniest write up u have ever done. The Female Anatomy ehn... God Help Us Gals With Big Boobs... Phew(like Gabby says). Continue to beguile us with these stories of your life.
ReplyDeleteThank you baby
Delete